AD #2564 – Tesla’s 1,000 Mile Battery Upgrade, Lincoln Targets Senior Citizens, GM Takes Trump’s Presidential Limo Back

April 1st, 2019 at 11:47am

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Listen to “AD #2564 – Tesla’s 1,000 Mile Battery Upgrade, Lincoln Targets Senior Citizens, GM Takes Trump’s Presidential Limo Back” on Spreaker.

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Runtime: 4:58

0:08 Lincoln Targets Senior Citizens
0:52 Reuss To Be in Pace Car
1:42 Tesla’s Thousand Mile Battery Upgrade
2:11 New Rules of The Road
2:56 El Chapo Uses Ghosn Disguise to Escape Prison
3:38 Fiat Abandons Monthly Sales Reports
4:03 GM Takes Trump’s Presidential Limo Back

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43 Comments to “AD #2564 – Tesla’s 1,000 Mile Battery Upgrade, Lincoln Targets Senior Citizens, GM Takes Trump’s Presidential Limo Back”

  1. NormT Says:

    Best Autoline Daily yet!

  2. Larry D. Says:

    1 as the song goes, “tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies”

  3. Jim Haines Says:

    So what part of the Linconln story was a joke ???

  4. Kit Gerhart Says:

    3 I was thinking the same thing, except maybe the model names. Lincoln buyers have been old for years, and the current product lineup is still more appealing to older people, than to 30-some year olds with spare money.

  5. Ukendoit Says:

    I look forward to this every year and was disappointed the year you skipped it, but this one was a little too campy with the sound effects. Your subtler style from previous years has been great. It is April 1st, it is okay if some people don’t get realize the general theme throughout. No need to play down to them.
    I did find this interesting as real breaking automotive news today:

  6. Lambo2015 Says:

    #3 Yeah the Lincoln story sounded legitimate until the new trim packages part. I think we already knew they gave up on trying to bring in millennials. Lol.
    John always had a unique presentation but the over the top radio voice…. Classic

  7. Drew Says:

    Both of my 30-something daughters have a Lincoln and love their cars. Lincoln is a “best kept secret”. Better quality and satisfaction than the over-priced, finicky Europeansnobmobiles. Better looking than any Lexus or Infiniti. And lower cost of operation (can run on regular fuel).

  8. Larry D. Says:


    Joy Folatico, the head honcho at Lincoln,

    she is

    “says the brand will give up trying to sell cars to millennials and enthusiasts. ”

    about right

    “Instead, she says they’ll now go back to their core customers, senior citizens. ”
    about right

    “Autoforecast Solutions reports that Lincoln will come out with two new models next year, the EKG and the EMS. The EMS goes from zero to the nearest hospital in under 10 minutes and the speedometer doubles as a blood pressure monitor. The EKG comes a bumper attachment for gurneys and the windows double as medical display screens.”

    the joke.

    The EKG is also rumored to have done the Nurburgring in 30 mins, or about your average wait for your annual checkup at your friendly physician.

  9. Larry D. Says:

    7 everybody loves every car they ever owned. That does not prove diddly squat. I have heard that even owners of the god-awful Elantra are very happy with it. I was happy with every car I owned when I owned it, and when I moved to the next one, which was naturally and usually much better, for various reasons, I marveled at how crude and underperforming the previous one was.

    Leslie, One of my colleagues drives Lincoln, they usually look good on the outside, she drove a Town Car, then a more recent Town Car, she teaches Technical Communications, is about 75 or 78 and looks in really bad shape. Another colleague drives a Tesla S. Tamas, he is an Atmospheric Scientist, very distinguished in his research. He used to own a Lexus GS, the sporty one. His license plate gave him up, “TAMAS”.

  10. Kit Gerhart Says:

    7 Yep, some Lincoln buyers are 30-some years old, but the average age of Lincoln buyers is still very high, and the vehicles are decidedly not “sporty.”

    I’m old, but buy cars that many old people would not consider. My favorite current Lincoln is the MKZ. I guess that is why they plan to discontinue it soon, or so I’ve heard.

  11. Larry D. Says:

    7 PS if they are happy with their Lincolns, they would be even happier if they bought the Ford Equivalents, and had another $10k or $20k in the bank to blow on shoes, dresses, purses, or to go to Hawaii with. Seriously.

  12. Larry D. Says:

    10 Many baby boomers are what used to be called ‘old’ now, at least half of them, but few would give Lincoln the time of day. Most would reward themselves with a luxury import. Once burned..

  13. Tony Gray Says:

    Loved it! The best parodies are ones with a grain of truth in them…and these were perfect.

  14. Larry D. Says:

    7 I did not notice the details on first read.
    ” Drew Says:
    April 1st, 2019 at 12:38 pm

    Both of my 30-something daughters have a Lincoln and love their cars. Lincoln is a “best kept secret”.”

    It is no secret, like most women, your daughters are not auto enthusiasts and are taken advantage of in dealerships.

    ” Better quality and satisfaction than the over-priced, finicky Europeansnobmobiles.”

    THis is indeed 100% April fools. Funny. if ANY brand is overpriced it is exactly LINCOLN, which shamelessly offers Ford models with NO mechanical differentiation what so ever for $10k and $20k more.

    ” Better looking than any Lexus or Infiniti. ”

    A very low bar. Caddy nearby looks far better.

    “And lower cost of operation (can run on regular fuel).”

    IF your daughters were not the real snobs, and they bought the FORD Clones of the Lincolns they bought, they would be much happier, they would have an extra $10k-$20k in the bank, and use it to buy a ton of shoes, purses, dresses, trips to Hawaii, or even to Paris and London, if they cared.

  15. Larry D. Says:

    There was another story in the news, that vehicles in the GM Cruise program, usually Bolts, had trouble with the sunshine which messed their AV operation. Sounded like April Fools too, but never underestimate how much AVs are still way NOT ready for Prime time.

    PS 9 I meant the license plate “TAMAS” gave the owner away in both cases, the Lexus GS and the Tesla S.

  16. Adam Says:

    Made my day! Thanks!

    The earlier April Fools joke this morning wasn’t nearly as funny;
    (Duke lost to Michigan State)

  17. Larry D. Says:

    14 Yeah, that would be the end of Western Civilization as we know it, if it happened.

  18. ArtG Says:

    Kit, if you think Lincoln’s vehicles are not sporty, I’ll take you for a ride in my 400hp/400lb-ft Lincoln MKZ with AWD, sport-tuned suspension/steering and torque vectoring.

  19. Larry D. Says:

    Something is wrong, several posts do not show, and for a long time the total has remained at 16.

  20. merv Says:

    good times lol

  21. Kit Gerhart Says:

    Here’s a C and D review of the MKZ with the 3.0 turbo and AWD. It was quick, 0-60 in 4.8 seconds, but they weren’t too crazy about it otherwise.

    It sounded like, for most customers, the car would have been better without the ultra high performance summer tires the test car had.

  22. Larry D. Says:

    19 The interior (the view from the driver’s seat in the photo) was really not that good either.

  23. Larry D. Says:

    BTW, if Mary Barra takes the “beasts” away from Trump, he may not accept a Lada to replace them, but he may look favorably at Putin’s recent limos

  24. Kit Gerhart Says:

    21 With a V12, custom made by Porsche

  25. DonWagner1239 Says:

    Matthew McConaughey is Mr. Lincoln for the brand’s advertising. Weekend racing was saturated with him running in some woods then driving off in the new Lincoln Nautilus crossover (why access the settings screen when getting started? I set up my Jeep at home and only once). Then I read the following. Seems that Matt should hope Lincoln extends his contract! Not April Fool’s?

  26. Kate Mcleod Says:

    Perhaps now Lincoln can lose Matthew McConnaughy and put a female behind the wheel.

  27. Kit Gerhart Says:

    I don’t know what ads actually sell cars, but most car ads are totally absurd, in that they show one vehicle on a road with great scenery, with no one or other vehicle in sight. From the ads, you wouldn’t know actual traffic existed.

  28. Larry D. Says:

    24 Anybody would be better than McIdiot. I am lucky I never see his face or his ads any more.

    25 Most car ads are ridiculous and have been so for decades. Even Toyota’s “what a Feeling” BS. What feeling?? Toyotas are probably the least ‘feeling-related’ cars, they are reliable appliances with really poor handling and feel.

  29. Larry D. Says:

    Tesla’s triumphs already extended to Europe, despite all the barriers there to BEV use.

    We have seen the Model 3 data in Europe before, but here is also its glorious predecessor, the S, and the havoc it wrought in Europe in 2018:

    “..The Model 3′s early success puts further pressure on European premium brands after Tesla’s Model S sedan was Europe’s top-selling upper-premium sedan last year.

    Tesla sold 16,508 units of the Model S in the region in 2018, outselling the top three nearest rivals:

    the Mercedes S class with 12,079 sales; the BMW 7 series with 9,575 sales; and the Porsche Panamera with 9,515 sales…”

  30. lambo2015 Says:

    Lincoln might think using Matthew as their spokesperson may appeal to millennials but the man is 49 and that might have worked 20 years ago in the height of his career back when he was doing romantic comedies. So maybe they are trying to appeal to women but his latest movie The Beach Bum, opened over the weekend and took in only $1.8 million, the worst wide-release debut of McConaughey’s career.
    Can a bad movie end your commercial contract?

  31. Larry D. Says:

    28 if there was any sense left, it would.

    I don’t get how it works, to have auto illiterate celebrities peddle cars on TV ads. Maybe some 4-year old kid sees them and pesters his parents, “Look, ma, McIdiot is driving a Lincoln, we should buy one too” and then makes enough noise and havoc until his long-suffering parents buy one to shut him up? I cannot see an adult (with an adult’s brain) being influenced by the ads.

  32. Ukendoit Says:

    Did none of you click on my link and get Rick-rolled yesterday? Maybe no one wanted to admit it, or maybe its the wrong crowd, but I thought at least Sean would appreciate it.
    For those unfamiliar with Rickrolling, its kind of an inside joke on the internet (for the past 10-15 years) to post an unassuming link that redirects to the Rick Astley video “Never Gonna Give You Up”. I thought it appropriate for April Fools Day. Macy’s even did it live one year during their parade; a float looked like a kids theme and started singing a kid song, then Rick Astley unexpectedly popped out and sang his song instead.
    I hope you all had a fun 4/1. Here’s the wiki explanation of Rickrolling:

  33. Larry D. Says:

    March 2019 sales are coming out, FCA was down 7% (after years of sales gains) and Toyota down 3.5%

    The practical and reliable PRIUS took it on the chin, it used to sell 20,000 units a month, last March it sold 8,222, and this one only 5,410.

    Was the Model 3 intro a coincidence or a cause of this steep decline?

  34. Larry D. Says:

    Lexus LS, march 2019, barely 457, vs March 2018,1,008

  35. Kit Gerhart Says:

    31 I can think of multiple reasons Prius sales might be down. For one, gas in America is still cheap, so few people care about gas mileage. Also, few people would replace a Prius with another Prius of the same generation, and the current generation is now in its 5th model year. Maybe most people who would replace a gen 2 or 3 with a gen 4 have already done so.

    Then, I’m sure a number or Priuses have been replaced with Model 3s, which would have put more Priuses in the used car market, reducing the number of new ones sold.

  36. Kit Gerhart Says:

    32 To me, it’s unfortunate what they have done with the LS. The current one is downgraded in most ways, compared to earlier ones. A Hyundai G90 is a better luxury car than the current LS.

  37. Larry D. Says:

    33 I am really not convinced.

    Toyota only a few years ago expected the Prius “Family” to surpass the best-selling Camry!!!!

    There should have been public executions of the clueless employees, VPs or consultants that got it so unbelievably wrong.

    The LS is yet another debacle, probably another victim of the Model S, as other flagship sedans have done very poorly, worst of all that Genesis 90 or 80

  38. Larry D. Says:

    34 A slightly used LS460, for those who go for that kind of luxury (a reliable Buick with a better interior), is a far better choice than any new Genesis. And for those with even better and demanding tastes, they should get an S, an A8, a 7 or a Panamera instead. Not to mention the groundbreaking Tesla S, of course.

    I am not at all surprised the Genesis is not doing ten times better than its meager sales.

    This is not a segment to pinch pennies. If you are DX better, you can command a 3times DX higher price. Or 10 times.

  39. Larry D. Says:

    34 I wanted to go see the new LS at a dealership. I did not like it in the articles and photos, but when Popular Mechanics said it feels like a car 4 times its price, which means $400k, or a hig-end Rolls (not an entry level one!), it got me curious to see and maybe drive it too. But I did not have the time. I think I will in the fall.

  40. Larry D. Says:

    ES March 2019, 4,922, almost 1,000 more than in 2018, 3,938.

    It seems many LS buyers switched to the quite decent ES (Avalon-ish)

    Nissan was also down, 7.2% in March 19.

  41. Kit Gerhart Says:

    35 Maybe 3 years ago, the Toyota marketeers didn’t expect gas to stay under $3.00 for an extended period of time. Also, I suspect the decent selling, and more fashionable Rav4 hybrid has taken some Prius sales, even though it is far behind the Prius in mpg.

    Yes, the Genesis cars don’t sell well, but both CR and Car and Driver consider the G90 a better car than the current LS. Maybe Genesis will do better, if and when they get their dealer plans sorted out. Also, of course, they will sell a lot more units in today’s America when they have trucks to sell. As far as flagship sedans not selling, yeah, Model S has taken some of the sales, but probably big crossovers and SUVs have taken more of those sales.

  42. Kit Gerhart Says:

    37 CR complains about the exceptionally distracting controls of the new LS. Also, they say it doesn’t ride as well as previous ones. I haven’t seen one either, but may see what they look like at a dealer. I’m curious.

    38 You can get an ES hybrid, for those who want a quiet, comfortable car, and care about mpg. The current ES is only ~$4K more expensive than the Toyota counterpart, less difference than between earlier Camry-based versions.

  43. Larry D. Says:

    39 that’s my point, not the marketing types but Toyota’s economic forecasters. They got it horribly wrong. Nobody was expecting prices to skyrocket three years ago, fracking was already hot, and world oil was unbelievably plentiful. To expect the Prius to sell more than the mainstream best seller Camry was sheer lunacy, and they made it public too!